real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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