Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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