Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
