I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
