be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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