John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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