You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
