I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
