what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
