dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
