so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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