Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
