oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
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