Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
