my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
