He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
