I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
