well I can't set my house on fire every night
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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