he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
