Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
