You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
