this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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