My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
