were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
