the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
