Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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