Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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