ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
