I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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