It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
