Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
