You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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