You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize