Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
