I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
