forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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