I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
