i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Welp...herpes.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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