therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
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