You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
