I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
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Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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