he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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