I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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