They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
