Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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