i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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