Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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