Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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