I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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