That's when you crack a 10am beer
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
