Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
