For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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