i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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