Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
