I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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