You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
