No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
