Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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