its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
