I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
