my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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