I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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