she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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