I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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